With only four days to go until the Marriage Referendum, FM104 presenter Sean Munsanje has taken to social media to talk about how a 'Yes' vote will send a powerful message to the world and, most importantly, the gay children of Ireland. "Are they good enough to be equal to everyone else?" he asks. "Can they stand up to the bullies knowing they are equal to them in the eyes of the Irish people and in the eyes of the law?" He also talks about his own experience growing up not only as a gay person, but as part of the first black family to live in Ennis.
It's brave, honest stuff and you can read it here:
"I, like a lot of gay people, feel a responsibility to tell my story as to why I am asking everyone I know to Vote YES in the marriage equality referendum and why it is so important.
My Dad is from Zambia and my Mother is from Dublin, where I was born. I grew up in Africa and England and we returned home to Ennis in Co Clare in 1993. The same year homosexuality was decriminalised in Ireland.
As far as I could see, we were the first black family to live in Ennis. I was always proud of my skin colour. I remember my first day at school there well; I got in to a fight. I was never in fights, ever. A boy in the class threw some racist insults and pushed me around. I told him where to go and pushed him back. Luckily a teacher broke it up quickly, as I’m sure I would have hit the deck pretty fast!
I wasn’t used to abuse like that but my instinct was to defend myself. To stand up for myself because I knew what he was saying was wrong. I knew I was as good as him. I was equal to him. I knew that my parents, the school, and the law supported me and that I shouldn’t have to face racist abuse no matter what colour my skin was. Looking back, my outlook was pretty much the opposite when it came to homophobic abuse.
I did not know any gay people in Ennis. They simply did not exist. In retrospect, there was obviously many, however, they were hiding a part of themselves they felt was not acceptable to others, being gay. As a teenager, this made me feel like an alien. Any time someone in school called me a queer, faggot, bender or any any homophobic slur, I would laugh nervously as if it were a hilarious joke. Internally the panic would happen. Do they know? Did I do something to give it away? Pure fear would hit me and instead of challenging them, I would go along with the ‘joke’ because of course I wasn’t gay. If I was my life would not be worth living. That was clear.
In reality, I got off lightly in terms of actual bullying. I never suffered any serious physical attack. I found a great bunch of friends in school who are friends to this day. I was lucky, apart from hiding my sexuality, life was good, which reinforced the feeling that it would be ruined by coming out. I chose to hide being gay to survive, to make it through school. Hiding a part of you is a lonely road though and being a gay teenager can be loneliest place on earth.
School is tough for everyone but for some gay students imagining a life past school is harder. It’s tough enough to find the love of your life for anyone, but to know that if you do find them you can't marry them is crushing. To know that your relationship will be given a lower status is grossly unfair. To me that says you are a lesser being.
Growing up, I never believed the day would come when it could be possible for me to get married, to be equal to the other boys in my class. We have come a long way on the road to equality. When I was a child there was no such thing as civil partnership and it was illegal to be gay. I felt like a second-class citizen and I still feel like one.
With the Marriage Equality Referendum, we need to send a message to young gay people that you are not alone. You are as important as anyone else. You are equal in every way as a citizen of Ireland and that includes marriage. They need to know their country supports them as depression, self harming, and suicide are sadly very real issues for many gay teens today.
Everyone should know they are equal from birth no matter who they are. If Marriage Equality existed in the nineties, I would have felt better able to stand up for myself knowing that the law and the state sees me as equal. That my life would be what I make of it. That I had a chance at happiness and a love that’s recognised and respected as equal, which everyone deserves.
The old adage says if life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I think that’s true for my life and I imagine it is the same for a lot of gay people of a certain age. I just got on with it. I survived denying that side of me until I was twenty three, when I broke down in front of my Mum. All the lies, self hate and pain had built up and my brain and my body gave up on me. I let slip those three words I was so scared of ‘I Am Gay’.
I should have been as proud to be gay as I am of my skin colour. I should have felt that I could come out.
Things have changed, that was then and this is now. What is hugely important now are the gay children of Ireland. The children who are waiting to see what Ireland thinks of them in 2015. Are they good enough to be equal to everyone else? Can they stand up to the bullies knowing they are equal to them in the eyes of the Irish people and in the eyes of the law?
Ireland has been a leader in history not a follower. Hilary Clinton may be the first female president in the US., Mary Robinson was our first female president twenty five years ago. There are now over one hundred countries in the world with a smoking ban, we did it first in 2004. It always starts with one person, one country, one entity to be brave and do the right thing.
Eighteen countries have approved marriage equality for all including England, Scotland, Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Canada, South Africa, Norway, Sweden, Portugal, Iceland, Argentina, Denmark, France, Brazil, Uruguay, New Zealand, Britain, Luxembourg, Finland, and some States in the US. Ireland will be a leader in marriage equality though as in all of those countries there was no referendum. The public did not vote. It says a lot that the government of each country believed it was a human right that could not be argued against and simply passed the law. If Ireland Votes YES on Friday and the Marriage Equality Referendum passes, we will be the first country in the world where the people chose to give equality to every Irish citizen, not the government. Would that not make you even more proud to be Irish?
If the YES Vote is successful, I will cry tears of joy, but not just for myself. A YES Vote will give many others what they have hoped for many years. For me it will be the opportunity to marry my partner of ten years. That blows my mind, even though it should just feel normal, like it does for most people right now.
When you go to the polls on Friday, I am asking you to Vote YES for this and future generations in Ireland. So everyone, without exception can be confident and strong no matter who they are. So they can stand up for themselves, knowing this country supports every single one of them, in exactly the same way and with the same rights. And so that I and people like me can get married to the person we love and want to spend the rest of our lives with.
Vote YES this Friday.